hmmmhhhh

i've noticed that my 'titles' in my blogs never actually make sense, theyre mostly just some random letters or 'hmh' or 'omg' or 'ouch' or whatever. oh well. that just shows my creativity.
or lack there of.



Do you dream, that the world will know your name . So tell me your name And do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?


I'm tired. and its sunday. i cant wait for this week to be over.
To go to germany.
and get away from here for two weeks. I dont know, i just feel like..
leaving this place for two weeks will clear things up.
because it all seems kind of foggy just now.
or i need to spread my wings a little.


I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside, said I wanna feelI wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm aliveJust to know I'm alive


and then.
another semester.
other people.
another beginning.
i'm glad i'll have classes with completely differnet people.
thats what i like about a big school, you hardly have a class with the same people.
new people, different, interesting people.
:] But thats also what i dislike, because yoyu have to start to make friends again.
People you know you can ask to be your partner when you have a partner assignment wont be there.
but... itll be okay.


I wanna live, just to see the day, when we all get alongI wanna scream, scream my song outloud For everyone to hear Do you believe, in the day that you were born, Tell me do you believe.


im going to go get ready to see a movie with my friend.
or we'll just walk around, even though all the stores are closed.
i miss my friends. the ones i hardly hang out with anymore..
it feels like im loosing them..
and that makes me sad.


And do you know That everyday is a first, For the rest of your life,And ohh.

:]

i saw will smith yesterday.
super exciting.
he was standing like 3 feet away from me.
stupid asian kid was in the way.
and and.
now my calfs are sore.
from always standing on my tip toes.
for like two hours.
but seeing him made me happy :3
yay.
go will smith.

hmhh.
i love this song. eyes on fire by blue foundation.
yeah thats right, the twilight soundtrack rocks :D
hmhh.
i got progress reports today, Parenting A, Gym A, Spanish B, World history B.
almost A thou.
a mi no me gusta la colegia.
haha.
a mi me gusta la semana.
whoot.
weekend. im happy :3
im just writing random, useless shit on here.
haha.


tremble for my beloved.
by collective soul :]

meow.

wheee
its friday :3
joy over the world.
except i have to do some stupid line design over the weekend.
blech.
screw projects. haha.
and i finally got my copy of twilight back, yay.
:3
i wanted to read it so bad ;-;
and now i can. whoot.
i'll probably take it with me to germany too.
heh.

yesterday my brother told me i should go to a psychiatrist x]
because i have some serious anxiety when im alone at home.
cold sweat, shivering, imagening shit, tired.
small panich attacks and stuff like that.
i think its called Generalized anxiety disorder. I haven't been diagnosed with it, but i did some research.
he was like 'thats anxiety, maybe you should see a psychiatrist, seriously. that stuff can get really bad of not treated. i learned that in psychiatry last year.'
or some class.
hmmm.
might not be such a bad idea.
i mean, it annoys me ALOT always being so terrified when im alone at home.
i always lock myself in my room, and hardly leave my room, i prolly wouldnt leave it at all if i didnt have to go to the bathroom once or twice.
oh well.
i'll see.



i'm excited for germany :3
yay.
i can see my familia.
makes me happy.
and christmas.
christmas in germany is AMAZING :D
i LOVE it.
all the food, and the drinks and the christmas shops and stuff
>.<
its wicked awesome.


awww.
now i have a hiccups
;-;.
sad.
rofl XD

YOU

DISGUST ME.
YOU DISPICAPLE PIECE OF FLESH.
PLEASE GO SOMEWHERE AND TAKE YOUR SHIT WITH YOU.
AND STOP PUTTING YOUR NOSE INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS.
NO.
YOURE NOT ALL THAT FUNNY.
YOURE NOT ALL THAT PRETTY, OR COOL.
AND JUST BECAUSE ARE IN THE 'COOL' CROWD DOES NOT MEAN
YOU ARE 'THE SHIT'
BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO GET A KICK OUT OF MAKING FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE
ARE NOTHING MORE THAN LITERAL 'SHIT'. OKAY?
DONT MAKE FUN OF ME, OR MY FRIENDS ANYMORE.
BECAUSE INSTEAD OF MAKING US WEAKER, YOU MAKE ME STRONGER.
MAKE ME WANT TO ACHIEVE MY GOAL SO MUCH MORE, SO THAT, AFTER I'VE REACHED THE TOP OF THE ICEBERG I CAN COME BACK TO YOU.
STAND FACE-TO-FACE WITH YOU AND SPIT IN YOUR FACE.
'I'VE ACHIEVED EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED. WHAT ABOUT YOU? NOTHING.WHO IS THE LOOSER NOW?'
AND TAKE YOUR STUPID-ASS BOYFRIEND WITH YOU.
WHO HAS NOTHING EBTTER TO DO THEN TO MAKE SEX NOISES WHEN HE THINKS ITS 'FUNNY.'
REALLY.
ITS NOT. JUST STOP ALRIGHT?
PLEASE ACT LIKE A MATURE PERSON, BECAUSE WE'RE NOT IN KINDERGARDEN ANYMORE.
IF YOU DONT LIKE SOMEBODY, FINE, YOU HAVE EVRERYRIGHT TO.
BUT DO NOT PUT THEM DOWN BECAUSE YOU DONT LIKE HOW THEY ARE.
BECAUSE
THAT MAKES YOU A MUCH MORE WORTHLESS THING.
WHO HAS A HEART OF ICE AND IS INCREDIBLY CRUEL.


I DISPITE PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
YOU MAKE ME SICK.

ouch

my eye hurts. its dry, probably because i just scraped a ton of eyeliner of . XD
experiementing with eyeliner, hmh, fun. though at the end i looked like a damn vampire.
cleopatra eyeliner, red lipstick and im already white as hell. haha. fun.
speaking of makeup, getting ready and stuff.....

i was talking to my friend about how guys can get up in the morning, take a shower, but some gel into their hair, get dressed and are ready to go.
and we?
have to shower, dry our hair, comb it, maybe put some product in our hair so it wont be frizzy as hell, pick out an outfit, put on makeup, earrings etc. AND THEN finally are ready to go.
all of this to 'look good'
and then you still dont get noticed.
great.
there goes the effort.
it really annoys me.
because at the end of the day i look in the mirror and look like a pile of shit sooo..
why bother?

i just.
why are those girls who are blonde, blue eyed, have like a fucking mole on their face, petite and shit so popular?
all those girls, theyre all the same.
almost every girl here looks the same.
skinny,petite,wear AE HCO and AF, have the same damn straight hair that almost reaches their ass.
and the guys ALWAYS go for that.
why?? wanna play it safe?
"lets not go for the girl who doesnt look like all of them.
or is at least a little different. lets stick to the good ol' barbie doll, because shes pretty and we look good together."
hm?
thats what they think?
blah,blah,blah.

i dont wanna sound bitchy, or like im pissed because 'i dont get any attention'
i dont want a whole bunch of people after me.
i really dont.
but at least once in a while i want a guy look at me, because i am me.
because i am different.
because my hair is curly and strawberry blonde.
because my eyes are green and different.
because i actually have curves and my legs are no sticks.
because i dont wear hollister and abercrombie and fitch because i DONT FIT INTO THEM. and i can say it, because its the truth. I DONT FIT INTO ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH, AND HOLLISTER BECAUSE I AM NOT A SIZE NEGATIVE 2.
because i dont walk down the hallways laughing loud, purposfully so i get
my damn attention for that day
because i DONT look like i popped out of a magazine.
because i am me.

because i am denise.
who is also a person, whos maybe not the most beautiful, attracktive and gorgeous girl on earth. but a girl who has a heart, thats beating and that can feel.


rant is over.
i guess.
-sigh-

-sigh-

thank god its thanksgiving break. i am sick and tired of this school bullshit.
hahah.
you have no idea how much i love sleeping in, no.idea. it makes my fuckin day.
so yesterday, i rented 'how the grinch stole christmas' and i thought the movies were $5 each and i only had $7 so i thought i couldnt rent 'anstasia' (im like on this trip where i HAVE to see all the kid's movies, prolly cuz i havent seen them in forever and theyre amazing.) so i get to the cashier and shes like '$1.09' and im like '....fuck.' and i couldnt get it anymore cuz there were like 1000 million people behind me. but whatevs. i'll get it the next time.

im hungry.
o_o
i didnt eat anything today yet.
D:
damn. imma go downstairs soon and get some food.
yummy.

OH.OH.
AND. I SAW TWILIGHT.
HOLY FUCKIN SHIT.
that movie, was absolutely incredible.
of course it wasnt exactly like the book, but hey, no adaptation can be exactly like the book.
the movie would be like 5 hrs long.
but it was still AMAZING.
edward (aka Rob) was... BEAUTIFUL XD i swear to god. he did SO well, i was pleasantly surprised.
Kristen was alright, though her eyeblinking annoyed me.
The rest of the cullens were.
the shit :3
Jasper cracked me up, Emmett was so cute, Rosalie was a bitch and Alice was...ALice.
And Carlisle and Esme were great.
it was so awesome.
the baseball scene was awesome !!!
and the song (supermassive black hole by muse) was wicked cool. it fit it perfectly.
and when bells and edward came outta the car, edward being all badass.
thats when i died XD
oh my GOD. SO EFFIN HOT.,
and the prom scene, where he kissed her on her neck was absolutely ADORABLE. i loved ut.
i was like 'i want a vampire boyfriend ;-;'
hahah.
but who doesnt?????


ANWYAY.
OVERALL.
twilight was absolutely amazing.
i cant wait for new moon, and i heard the script for new moon is alreayd done :3
wheeeeee.


<333
EDWARD
XD




gotta love 'em.

i

am not even going to waste my time anymore.
because i am fucking DONE.

questions

1) Are you really ready for 70 questions?yeah.
2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?you could call it that.
3) Who were you last hanging out with?people at lacie's party
4) Who did you last say I love you to?uhm. megan? or laura.
6) Have you ever been depressed?oh yes.
7)Have you ever watched the goonies?..no.
8)Have you ever watched the polar express?yeah. i love it.
9) Have you ever been skinny dipping?nope.
10) How are you?tired, sad, annoyed.
11) How has your weekend been?it was pretty cool.
12) Have you ever slept with someone not related with you?yes.
13) Do you bite your nails?i am trying to stop.
14) When was your last physical fight?yesterday. with my brother. hah.
15) Do you have an attitude?i guess.
16) Ever been in love?no.
17) What is your full first name?denise.
18) Like reading?yes.
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?i dont think so.
21) Do you miss someone?yeah.
22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?twirl.
23) Do you tan a lot?no. i burn.
25) How exactly are you feeling?tired.
27) Ever made out in the bathroom?no.
28) Would you take any of your exs back?no.
29) Are you scared of spiders?yes!
30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?yes.
31) Do you regret anything from your past?no.
32) What are your plans for this weekend?hang out with maybe mariana or megan. or both.
34) Ever kissed somebody that name start with an M?no.
40) What are you craving right now?sleep.
41) Ever been to a bonfire party?yeah.
42) Ever been swimming in a lake or river?yes.
43) Ever ridden a horse?yeah.
44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?no.
45) Have you ever suffered a broken heart?who hasnt?
46) Are you happier single or in a relationship?i dont know.
48) Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?i doubt it.
51) What's irritating you right now?...stuff.
52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?oh yes.
53) Does somebody love you?i guess.
54) What is your favorite color?all of them.
59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?no.
60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?i guess.
61) Are you a badass?no.
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?fuckin prank called me three times. haha.
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?uhm. i cried to her over the phone. mariana.
64) Do you give out second chances too easily?i guess.
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?forgive. most deffinatly.
66) Is this year the best year of your life?no.
67) What was your childhood nickname?nisy. zickibunkstaedt. :]
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?when i was a baby.
69) Do you think you're a good person?i dont know.
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?yeah.

D:

this really sucks.
i called my aunt, and ask if she could take me to see the musical.
she said she'd loved to, but theres one problem.
the musical is sold out for all of december.
AND OPENING NIGHT WAS TWO DAYS AGO D:
fuck.
i'm so sad.
i was looking forward to this so much.
i wanna cry.
i probably seem like i'm over reacting but i wanted to see this so, so bad.

though my aunt said if its playing during the summer, even if its playing 3 hrs from the city we live in (in germany)
she'll take me.
so. i guess i can look forward to that.

hmhmmh

im not sure what to write about. i bet my blogs are getting quite boring eh?
i apologize. haha.
My day went by so slow today.
it was vexatious.
hmh. big word... im using an online thesaurus because i am just so cool like that.
and who doesnt wanna feel smart once in a while? i certainly do.

i have a world history and math quiz tomorrow.
On Islam and some geometry crap nobody gives a flying shit about.

this song is annyoing.
'carpe noctem'
what the hell does that even mean?
i'm basically just writing random shit in here. cuz i have nothing better to talk about.
so..
bear with me. please.


oh, my parents got an email that i passed this german exam shit i had to take last summer.
that was annoying.
plus that one woman was a bitch and was out to confuse the hell outta me.
fuck german people.
..
just kidding ;]
i am german myself XD haha.
well, i have to go to the damn german school this saturday to get my 'award' bullshit.
urgh. and some old guy will give it to me.
last time he like grabbed my butt.
not very excited about that.
but whatever.
then i'm going to go to lacies party. i will be a pirate b/c first she said we all should be and then said we could be whatever we wanted to.
but i wanna wear a puffy blouse.
so, imma be a pirate.
i should buy a toy gun.
here i come party city!

oh.
and im gonna call my aunt tomorrow.
about the musical?!
and i hope she will say yes. if not, im gonna cry.
yesterday, i talked about the musical and my brother was like '...shes 15 years old and she wishes as her christmas present tickets for a musical? see denise, nobody of your german friends is... i dont know. this interested in art or acting.'
he said it kind of differently, but i dont know how to really translate it. haha.
he basically said that i am smarter than my german friends. Well, that they might be book smarter but i am smarter about whats going on in the world, and about art and.
i dont know.
more mature i guess.
which could be true. but i dont know.

hmh.
'you have a sweet butt.'
oh man.
a gay vampire.
XD haha.
this is hilarious.

ANYWAY.
i will go now. because i am done.
:]

au revoir.
(..did i spell that right?)

heh.

i..
love
to
sing.
as i have now discovered.
Well, i've always liked singing. Though i always thought i sucked big, big time.
I still think im not good at singing, but im not the worst. i think.
I wish someday i could be in a musical. That would be incredible.
Acting and singing together? oh man..


I'm obsessed with dance of the vampires.(..like ive said in the other blog)
its ridicolouse. XD
but i love dancing and singing to the songs.
i was dancing through my room just a while ago. haha.
The musical is playing in a town near my old town in germany.
In december. And i'll be in germany in december.
So i'm gonna ask my parents if my christmas present this year, could be that i can go see the musical.
The good seats are abou 93 euros. And the ones where you can see the actors as dots are 64 euros..
i might get the middle ones for 80 euros. Depends on what my parents feel like :p
imma ask if my aunt can go with me.
She's seen it before.
:3
i love her..
yeah.
im bored.

AND IM WATCHING HOUSE.
house is the shit o_o i wish my doctor was like him... minus the being addicted to his pain meds. XD
i lurve this show :3
'woah. sorry, was up late. internet porn'
PFFFT.
XDD
haha.

Der tanz der vampire.

the dance of the vampires.
i really wanna see that musical. My aunt can sing really well, so when i was a kid she always played the soundtrack of der tanz der vampire in her car.
I loved all the songs so she gave me the dvd. TOday when i was looking through my stuff i found the CD. I put it on my itunes and im listening to it right now.
Its beautiful.
The lyrics are in german but whatever.
I read the english translations, and they dont sound as beautiful as the german ones.
Plus the meanings are kind of different.
My favorite song is "die unstillbare Gier" which in english means "Endless Appetite"
no, its not about food.
Well, kind of about his bloodlust. But so much more.
Its amazing.
"Ich will ein engel oder ein teufel sein und ich bin doch nichts als eine kreatur."


"Mit ihrem Herzblut schrieb ich ein gedicht auf ihre weisse haut."
thats one of my favorite lines.

"Das seine trauer mir das herz nicht brach kann ich mir nicht verzeihen."

haha im sorry its all in german.
but i love it :]
and if you want to know what it means, ask me to translate it for you.
Whoever is reading this x]

beautiful songs.

OKAY SO.

four tests over.
one to go.
in parenting.
which is like, easy as fuck.
'WHERE DOES THE BABY COME OUT WHEN ITS BORN?'
...
your vagina.
yeah.
questions like that. XD pretty obvious, except when your parents are like super prude and never told you anything about sex.
except that like, a damn bird dropped you through the chimney.
XD
hmh. very creative parents, way to go.
thats the reason why your kid will get knocked up at 15 because they have no knowledge how to protect themselves, like CONDOMS.


im sitting here, listening to s.g. singing some barbie thing on disneychannel.
why, oh why does everybody on disney have to start singing?
WHY? they've already succeeded in acting.. or so they think.
why make my ears bleed with their damn screeching?
jesus people.
and theyre like music videos for the good ol' disney movies. cinderella, sleepin beauty etc.
goddammit.
leave the singing to professionals.
-bleeds from ears-
OKAY.
its over. all good now.
people are probably like 'GOD YOURE SUCH A BITCH'
well. its not like you've never ranted about people who annoy the fuck outta you.
hypocrite.
x]
OHHH
DENISE IS SO EVIL.
blabs.
whatevs.
:D
hahah.
im just totally annoyed with those retarded tests.
i passed spanish, have a feeling i failed math and think maybe got a C in world history. damn.
oh well. screw them, this weekend will be 4 fuckin days loing !! HELL YES BITCH :D

i have a.

headache.
and i want to throw up.
bleh.

the duchess.

So, i saw the movie 'The Duchess' yesterday.
With Keira Knightly, Ralph FIennes, etc.
And, okay, first, i didnt want to see the movie.
Purely because i could not STAND Keira Knightly,
i thought she was annoying and her face annoyed me,
plus her acting skills didnt convince me(i'm sorry if this sounds mean)
So, i really did not want to see it. But then, my friend made me see it.
Which im glad she did.
This movie is so dramatic.
I mean, it really is. Not in a negative way, but in a positive way.
The costumes, and sets were absolutely beautiful.
The plot line was AMAZING. The plot was interesting and didnt bore me.
at all. And all the difficulties G had, you just felt with her. When her husband despised her because she couldnt bare a boy, or when he raped her and stuff.
Keira Knightly was... absolutely amazing.
She really surprised me, in a good way. I think she was AMAZING. She completely sucked you into the world of G. She really did an amazing job, and now my opinion on her changed.
The ending of this movie isnt a sad or bad ending.
But it isn't a happy one either. Since G couldn't stay with whom she really loved.
But she was still able to see her children and Eliza (you'll know who i am talking about when you see the movie ;D)

so overall.
this movie was great and absolutely worth seeing.
:D

oh. and when i was watching it, i was just wishing to be in that movie, wearing those amazing costumes and everything. And the great emotion. and ahh..
:3

oh delicious salad.

oh delicious salad.
with your green, crispy leaves.
and your fishy tuna.
and your green olive balls (XD pervs..)

arent you just super yummy?
pft.
im a retard.
so.
for a snack today i was like 'HM LETS GET SOMETHING HEALTHY.'
so i made myself a salad with tuna, olives and ranch.
and i was like 'HEALTHY'
and then...
i grabbed a coke XD
way to fuckin ruin it denise D:<

salad is pissed now,
im sorry salad.
i still lurve you <3
and i'll lurve you more when youre in my tummy.
harhar.
-chews-


haha im sorry.
everybody whos reading this is probably like
'WAT THA FUCK BRAH?'
yes.
its brah.
not breh.
as megan explained to me..
since shes so super gangster.
straight up G megan.
rofl.

IMMA GO NOW.
but before
a poic
of delicious... salad--->
enjoy(and try not to eat it D:<)

i finished 13 reasons why.

So, finally, i finished 13 reasons why. And I like it now.
I guess, now i can fully understand what Hannah went through.
Since she explained every detail.
This book is certainly interesting, and well written,
but it also gives you a lot to think about. About the way
you treat people and how it can affect them.
In a postive or.. negative way.
Dont treat suicidal thoughts easily. Dont just
go off thinking your friend is bluffing when they talk
about suicide. Because you walking away might be the
push they needed to finally make the decision
to die.

Every single one of those asshole's who left Hannah,
used her and abused her got what they deserved.
They have to walk with blood on their hands.
for the rest of their life's

i know. its just a book. But i can imagent that something
can and probably has happened in real life.

now.
i wanna go out and buy more books.
Heres a list of books i want to read:

- Such a pretty girl by Laura Wiess
-Crank by Ellen Hopkins
-A New Dawn by Ellen Hopkins
-Uglies by Scott Westerfeld

Those are the ones i want to read so far.
But i might add some later..
when i can think of the rest of them x]

page 55.

i went to borders today and got thirteen reasons why.
And as off right now i cant seem to understand
why Hannah took her life.
I've read two of her reasons now.
When she talks over her tapes she seems bitter.
I guess i can understand that though.
In her first reason she talks about this guy Justin with whom she had her first kiss.
And then those rumors got send around school that the night they kissed they had sex or something.
And she was presented like a slut.
And then in the second reason she talks about Alex who made a list about 'best 9th grade ass' and Hannah was the winner. It didnt bother her too much until she went to a store to buy candy and a guy from her school grabbed her ass.
I mean.
Both of those things were pretty mean of those guys.
But she seems like such a strong girl, I dont understand.
I guess i have to read more to fully understand why she eventually didnt want to live anymore.
Why she took that handful of pills and commited suicide.

hm...
i dont know if i like the book so far.
its just so.
i dont know.

So i decided.

To do one blog each day on here.
because it makes me happy.
and. i have nothing better to do x]
at least not today.
except studying for math...
FUCK GEOMETRY D:
i'll never use that shit again in my life.




amen.


now. lets see, imma just talk about my day real quick becauseee. thats, yeah. what i feel like doing.
First block, gym.
How i hate this class. 7:45 in the morning going outside to run three laps on the track.
7:45 A FUCKIN M.

anybody know how cold it is that early in the morning?
lemme tell you.
Frost bite was knockin on my door.
afterwards, my arms were numb.
to the point when i hit myself real hard on the arm it felt like a thousand needles were poking my skin. Not fun.
But i lived through that period.
... but i accidently tripped over my friend.. yeah.
sorry callie.

Then. Math.
'if a pole is 34 cm and its shadow is 22 cm, while the other pole is 5 cm, how long is the other poles shadow?'
HOW THE FUCK WILL THIS HELP ME IN LIFE??
nobody is gonna come up to me and be like 'hey girlfrien, can you like calculate the length of that pole's shadow real quick?' i doubt it D:<
and then she took the worksheets that we graded. i fail so bad XD

then.
world history.
well thank god i think i got a 100 on my quiz.
that shit was pretty damn easy.
Then my teacher started to talk about how a guy got shot in his head and his head
in about two seconds got big and then exploded...
good ol' mr.b.

then, parenting.
shit. XD i sit beside the funniest girl, shes hilarious
so that class isnt half as bad. But we started talking about
we'll get our sons circumsized.
yahhh.
interesting XD THEN, THANK GOD. early dismissal.
1:15, see ya bitches!
then off to the dentist and i gotz a book.
now im sittin here.
still wanting that damn twilight movie guide D:
well, fuck.
my friend would say 'denise youre so impulsive. wait until the price goes down'
rooarrrr.
-_-
well.
imma go now.
cuz my hands are gettin collddzzz.

over and out.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Spunk Ransom.

did anybody else just totally haven an orgasm right now?
i sure as hell did.


shit son.
When twilight comes out i will probably die right there in the theater because this man is sex on two legs.
sexin' up the world with his fucking good looks.
this guy can pull of anything.
ANYTHING
(and hopefully someday, my pants. HAHA XDD jaykay)


somebody please tell me how you cannot find this man attracktive?
please, tell me.
because i sure as hell dont know.


i lurve you spunky ransom.

-sighs-

okay im done now.

-cough-
wait.

ROBERT PATTINSON AKA SPUNK RANSOM IS PRETTY MUCH THE SHIT.

alright.

im done.

over and out.

thirteen reasons why.

so, my brothers English Class got a visit from an author. Jay Asher to be exact, and he talked to them about his book called: Thirteen Reasons Why.

Thirteen Reasons why is about this boy named Clay Jenkins. One day he comes home and sees a box lying on his porch infront of his door. He's excited to get a package and goes inside his room to see whats inside. When he opens it he finds 13 cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Bakerahis.
The thing is, Hannah commited suicide about two weeks ago. She was Clay's classmate and crush apparently.
In the tape Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she took her life. Clay is one of them. On each tape she takes him around the town explaining to him every single reason why.

I want to read this book so badly.
I dont know why.
I like books like that.
Books I can relate to. (No i am not planning on commiting suicide, but of course i've thought about it. But lets be honest, who hasnt?)
I want to see why Hannah decided she wanted to die, why Clay was one of the reasons she eventually did.
And how Clay dealt with it afterwards.



what would you do if you found out that your classmate commited suicide because of you?
would you go into your bathroom, find the next knife and slit your wrists because, in your mind, thats the only thing that would seem fair?
or would you just go on with your life, always, in the back of your mind having this little voice telling you 'its all your fault.'


what would i do?
i dont know.

I'd give up forever to touch you.

And I'd give up forever to touch you Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life Cause sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight Chorus And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything seems like the movies Yeah you bleed just to know your alive Chorus And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am and I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.

you know, how sometimes you have these songs that you can listen to over and over again and you never get tired and you.... i dont know.
they're not like your favorite songs, but you always have to listen to it/them.
I listen to this song at least once a day.
When i walk to school, mostly.
It makes me think about my life and what might happen in the future.
and how life hurts so much sometimes.
but can also be the greatest thing in the world.

And i dont want the world to see me, because i dont think that they'd understand.

alright so.
i have no idea what to do.
but this is gonna be fun i think
;]


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